Wrapping my head around Fritz Klein

So as it started to sink in that my wife was bisexual, pansexual or anything but monosexual, I went through the usual process I go through to understand a thing. I read. I Google and I research. As Kate mentions, I had fears - real fears she would leave me for a woman, experience some biological lesbian imperative to be with another woman or some other thing which would end our relationship. To offer some insight and potential comfort I set out to gauge how bisexual she was. Looking back this was an effort to somehow control my/our life. But the emotions were strong and I needed to understand what the future might be.

I knew of Kinsey's research and his scale of 0 - 6, 0 being exclusively heterosexual and 6 being exclusively homosexual. We spoke of this and Kate thought she might be a 1 - 2 on this scale. I came across Fitz Klein's 4 quadrant scale and his test. I decided to take the test and, no surprise to myself, I came out in the lower left quadrant pretty close to 0 0. Kate's graph was very different than mine as she was still technically in the lower left quadrant but very close to center. As we compared our graphs it offered a kind of picture of what I had suspected. I don't know why I felt it strangely comforting to see her graph. Pictorial validation perhaps?

I started to buy books about sexual fluidity in women and the straight spouse trapped in the closet after the gay/bi spouse comes out of the closet.

Of the second type of book I describe, some of the stories I could relate - to a degree. But many stories I couldn't relate to. The stories of spouses coming out of the closet were typically accompanied by: the discovery of long term infidelities, gross lifestyle deception, callous disregard for the straight spouse's feelings, damaged children, rejection from community and churches, polyamory and divorce. As Kate and I had never experienced any of these explosive events, drawing strength and connection with these people was difficult. I did, however, experience gratitude for not having had to endure these sorts of hellish events I read about.

In terms of sexual fluidity - what I started to read was that I, as a "monosexual", am a bit more rare than I would have ever suspected. Who knew? Some of the informational posts I was starting to get from my wife from other bisexual bloggers she was reading made monosexuality sound almost primitive and a condition worthy of pity. Funny how some people need to tear down other people even though they themselves may be oppressed. Gratefully my wife is not that camp.

So how was it then that she came to find out she was bisexual if she had not discovered some woman she was attracted to? As she explained to me when I asked this very question, her visceral reaction and opposition to California Prop 8 was a big clue.