The Husband Shall Chime In

So this is my first blog post. When my wife told me she was considering blogging about her experience as a bisexual woman who happened to be married to a member of the opposite sex, I was surprisingly open to the idea. I say "surprisingly" because I'm an incredibly private person. And this material falls under that domain in my life. However, like Kate mentions, it has been nearly impossible to find information about the experience of being on both sides of the closet (pre and post coming out) in a marriage largely intact. No extra marital affairs, no wife coming home announcing she's in love with another women, no divorce, no public shaming in church, no disclosing to the kids we're separating, and on... Statistics are to be found, true. But hidden are the stories and experiences by, what seems to be a hidden demographic in our society (and in research); self identified bisexual/pansexual women successfully coupled with heterosexual men.

On the flip side of success I won't say that this experience has been free of fear, anger or mistrust. It's a hell of a thing to wrap your head around the fact that your spouse experiences same sex attractions. One dimensional porn fantasies aside, the reality is at least five dimensional encompassing love, identity, trust, friendship and society. And yes, sexuality too. But, again, not sexuality in the realm of porn, but sexuality in the context of "Is my gender enough for her?" "Is she gender blind (thus negating my masculinity)?" "Does she prefer blonds or brunettes?" Oh, and girls night out no longer has the same comforting ring of pure platonic comradery. To be sure, I trust my wife but it has been a shift in perspective.

However as far as these things go, I'd much rather wrap my head around this than having her tell me that she has a lump if you know what I mean. I must admit that I'm very proud of the courage she's mustered going through this coming-out process. So as Kate concluded in her first post, I hope to help her share her story, in hopes of finding others to share with them and learn from.