One night after the kids went to bed, as my husband and I had our evening tea, he turned to me and said he had a question to ask me. We'd been having some couple problems and been trying to overcome them. It felt like we had grown apart... his recovery and my journey of self-discovery had put us on two different paths for some time. So late-night conversations were commonplace as we strove to find each other again, but the question this night surprised us both.
"Honey, are you bisexual?" he asked in a calm voice. To both of our surprise, I answered, "Yes, actually... I think I am."
We had been talking about a short story I had written a few years ago, erotic fiction about two women... well, about me and some unknown woman. He had had a strong reaction to it at the time (was challenged by it)... he had been very "concerned" and wanted to know if we needed to have a talk. At the time, I was too scared of his reaction, so I told him no, it was just fiction, trying to see things from another angle and such. We never talked about it again.
He said he'd been wondering since he read that story... and that he had felt there was something all along. I told him I'd been wondering since then how to tell him, without making it sound like I was unhappy with him. I explained to him what I felt I was, pansexual, and that I didn't consider myself "bi-curious" because it's not like I have the urge to go experience sex with a woman. I merely hold the potential within myself, and it may remain unfulfilled for the rest of my life, because I have already chosen my mate and have my family.
I hadn't thought I was concerned about his reaction except that he would think I was leaving him for a woman or something silly like that... but I must say... I was tremendously relieved when he did not look at me with disgust, or distrust, or hatred, or any of a myriad things that crossed my mind in that flash of panic after I said "yes." I mean, I *knew* he wouldn't think less of me, but knowing and having it happen real time... well, I was just relieved, and I think he was too.
So, there was fear, a little anger, tears, confusion, questions, more tears (all mine, I cry so easily)... but in the end, amazingly, there was only love. It's strange how this has brought us in many ways closer than ever, at a time in our marriage when we really needed it.
"Honey, are you bisexual?" he asked in a calm voice. To both of our surprise, I answered, "Yes, actually... I think I am."
We had been talking about a short story I had written a few years ago, erotic fiction about two women... well, about me and some unknown woman. He had had a strong reaction to it at the time (was challenged by it)... he had been very "concerned" and wanted to know if we needed to have a talk. At the time, I was too scared of his reaction, so I told him no, it was just fiction, trying to see things from another angle and such. We never talked about it again.
He said he'd been wondering since he read that story... and that he had felt there was something all along. I told him I'd been wondering since then how to tell him, without making it sound like I was unhappy with him. I explained to him what I felt I was, pansexual, and that I didn't consider myself "bi-curious" because it's not like I have the urge to go experience sex with a woman. I merely hold the potential within myself, and it may remain unfulfilled for the rest of my life, because I have already chosen my mate and have my family.
I hadn't thought I was concerned about his reaction except that he would think I was leaving him for a woman or something silly like that... but I must say... I was tremendously relieved when he did not look at me with disgust, or distrust, or hatred, or any of a myriad things that crossed my mind in that flash of panic after I said "yes." I mean, I *knew* he wouldn't think less of me, but knowing and having it happen real time... well, I was just relieved, and I think he was too.
So, there was fear, a little anger, tears, confusion, questions, more tears (all mine, I cry so easily)... but in the end, amazingly, there was only love. It's strange how this has brought us in many ways closer than ever, at a time in our marriage when we really needed it.
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