I've been reading a lot of blogs about being bisexual lately. Well, not a lot. I've so far only found maybe 6 to a dozen that are active. A lot of interesting stories out there, but none that I can really relate to.
You see, I am a typical suburban working mom. I don't drive a minivan, and my kids play video games rather than soccer, but I have a handsome husband, a nice little house in a nice little suburb, 2 sons, a dog, and a cat. My kids do ok in school, and my mom watches them in the afternoons 3 or 4 days a week.
You would think I was normal.
The thing is, I'm not, not entirely. I like boys, but I also like girls. Most of all, I love my husband, and I love my family, but that's not the entire story.
I am a semi-closeted bisexual woman (with no history of same-sex encounters) married to a heterosexual man. From what I have found (and not found) on the internet, that is a rare thing, and the fact that I want to continue to live my life being married and not seek same sex relationships outside my marriage seems to make it rarer still. I'm in no way judging those whose marriage ends or changes to an open marriage, but those are situations that I can't relate to.
I've seen research and articles about how a spouse's newly discovered bisexuality or homosexuality will ruin their marriage. How there will be soul searching, affairs, separations, divorce. I can see how this comes about, that with the awakening of sexuality comes a need to express it, and how the straight spouse feels betrayed.
What I haven't seen yet is a story like mine, one in which the couple stays happily married, and uses the bi spouse's coming out as a catalyst for communication and honesty that bring them closer at a time when they had drifted apart. Am I being naive?
So I present my story, in hopes of finding others to share with them and learn from. :)
You would think I was normal.
The thing is, I'm not, not entirely. I like boys, but I also like girls. Most of all, I love my husband, and I love my family, but that's not the entire story.
I am a semi-closeted bisexual woman (with no history of same-sex encounters) married to a heterosexual man. From what I have found (and not found) on the internet, that is a rare thing, and the fact that I want to continue to live my life being married and not seek same sex relationships outside my marriage seems to make it rarer still. I'm in no way judging those whose marriage ends or changes to an open marriage, but those are situations that I can't relate to.
I've seen research and articles about how a spouse's newly discovered bisexuality or homosexuality will ruin their marriage. How there will be soul searching, affairs, separations, divorce. I can see how this comes about, that with the awakening of sexuality comes a need to express it, and how the straight spouse feels betrayed.
What I haven't seen yet is a story like mine, one in which the couple stays happily married, and uses the bi spouse's coming out as a catalyst for communication and honesty that bring them closer at a time when they had drifted apart. Am I being naive?
So I present my story, in hopes of finding others to share with them and learn from. :)
I just started to cry reading this post. I am a happily married bisexual woman, who is also closeted to everyone except for my husband, who has known since we began dating 13 years ago. (In fact, he is the one who said it first "Honey, i think you are bisexual" and made me realize that the feelings of denial and trying to ignore my thoughts and feelings out of fear were (for him at least) not working. I admitted who I was to him, and that I had known it since childhood but had always been scared.
ReplyDeleteNow that I have been living this life for a long time, suddenly the urge to come out has hit me hard. Things come up in conversation and I want to speak, but am too afraid. Mostly because of what coming out might do to threaten people's perception of my marriage.
I have been face to face with those who say bisexuals are sluts who can't settle, and therefore i am afraid they will assume Hubby and I are polyamorous, or that we have 3-ways, or that I will cheat on him, none of which is true. I have also dealt with the assumption that bisexuality is just curiosity, or a step toward admitting I am gay and that people will think I want to experiment...also not true, I am happy where I am. And finally, I fear they will think that I am just trying to be trendy or get attention.
I have been thinking of blogging my story as well. Thank you for doing what you are doing!!!
I've found that writing helps me to clarify my thoughts. I also think that people need to hear more from people like you and me, who live normal lives and do normal things, but happen to identify as bisexual. I started this blog because I couldn't find much out there... I felt I wasn't quite represented by any of the blogs I'd read.
ReplyDeleteI encourage you to write down your story! The more people who come out, even if it is just on the internet or to one or two people, the more we can show the world that we are sisters, wives, mothers, and more. :)
I agree! Thanks for the supportive words! ~Krista
ReplyDeletei have exactly the same story as you kate. :):) xxx
ReplyDeleteI've been searching for someone like me for a while now. I thought I was accepting of my bisexuality, but now I realize that I was denying it and making excuses to myself - looking for a loophole to tell me that all hetero women feel attracted to other women and just don't talk about it. I love my husband, and I have no intention of pursuing any kind of extramarital affair. If I was single, I would pursue my interest in women. But I believe in being faithful in my relationships. Gay friends suggest I experiment, straight friends tell me "fantasies" are normal and some think I'm confused or misguided. I know exactly who I am. I am a bisexual woman in a committed heterosexual relationship. Period.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to thank those of you who have dropped by and left comments... and sorry I have not been around! But it still feels good knowing I am not alone out there, and I'm glad if my words have helped anybody out. :)
DeleteI am another one who is a self identified bisexual in a monogamous heterosexual relationship. I've come across others who are too. In fact, I'm finding more and more women out there through various boards who have admitted to same sex attractions while being in straight monogamous relationships. So many negative stereotypes out there. We define who we are through the lives we live. Thanks so much for creating this blog. It is wonderful!
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